


Think Of You

by alex_m25



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, But only for a bit, Derek Needs To Use His Words, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Stiles Stilinski, Genderbending, Hurt Derek, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Derek, Jealous Stiles, Stiles Leaves Beacon Hills, Stiles Moves To Europe, Stiles Needs To Be Patient, Stiles and Jackson are friends, no malia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3970189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_m25/pseuds/alex_m25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knows she has no brain to mouth filter, but that doesn't stop her from telling Derek that she loves him and that doesn't stop Derek from freaking out and not telling Stiles how he actually feels. Stiles doesn't wait for his answer. She leaves for college to get away from him. Stiles runs. She runs all the way to Europe. But not with the wolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Cause I Knew He'd Never Love Me Back

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on various songs by A Fine Frenzy. First fic, hoping it goes well.

She is an idiot. An idiot that really couldn't keep her damn mouth shut. Of course she has always known that she lacks a brain-to-mouth filter but normally she wouldn't have been so reckless. Impulsive, maybe, but she would never have gone to Derek's loft and openly told him that she is in love with him. That's not her. And now she's back at Point A - single and lonely. Derek is the first person that's ever really shown an interest in her, for reasons she really doesn't know and she never wanted to know.

She makes it home in one piece, tired and emotionally drained from the tears that spilled down her cheeks on the ride home. Her dad is working the late shift; again. Stiles marches inside and straight to her room, locking her window before doing anything else. She opens her laptop and quickly sends an email to Jackson:

_I need you. I'm on the first flight out tomorrow night. Please, you know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't important._

She sends the message and books a one-way flight using the money she'd been saving to travel the world after college. "College," she mutters to herself as she realizes that she will need to let Stanford know that she will no longer be attending this Autumn. She sighs and decides that telling them can wait until she arrives in London.

Her Facebook messenger makes a noise and she turns to see that Jackson has replied to her message:

_Okay Stiles, I'm always here for you. Text me all your flight info and I'll be at the airport waiting to pick you up. I'll support you with anything you need but when you get here we're having a long discussion about what brought this on because it's midnight your time and it's unlike you to make decisions like this on a whim. I'll see you soon, Stiles. Love you! Xx_

She smiles at how understanding Jackson is, mainly because he never was when he lived in Beacon Hills. Stiles loves that about Jackson though, she loves that he's become like another brother to her. They talk frequently but not everyday and yet they still manage to remain close. He's told her about all the big things in his life, like landing a decent modeling gig, and in return she has shared everything that has happened to her which mainly revolved around her relationship with Derek.

She's torn away from her thoughts when her phone vibrates and shows a text from Scott.

**Scottie Boy: Derek is freaking out. What happened?**

**Stiles: Nothing. Just leave it.**

She doesn't wait for his reply, she simply shut her phone off and started backing her bags. She didn't really know when she was planning on returning but it won't be for awhile - she knows that much. Sure, her dad will be heartbroken but he'll have Melissa, and yes, Scott won't understand but Kira will be there to help him through it. Derek won't care, it's not like he loves her and Isaac will learn to live without her, even if it takes him awhile. He'll come around.

The idea of leaving them tears her apart, but she needs to get away, just for awhile. She needs to get away from Derek and everything that has happened between them because there is no way that she can remain here and deal with the awkwardness that is sure to follow her slip up and his lack of words. She never thought that their relationship was one-sided, so maybe he just needed someone to be there for him, be with him, but not someone that he could truly love. Who could really love Stiles, anyways?

She pushes the question and thoughts of Derek from her mind. She can’t afford to think about him anymore, not when he doesn’t love her, not when she’s trying to leave. In that moment, she packs everything; her clothes, various shoes, her laptop and other essentials. She realizes how empty her closet and various drawers are. Her dad is going to be devastated and it will be all her fault. 

“Get it together, Stilinski,” she hisses. “Thinking about how they are going feel is not helping you to pack or get ready for a long ass flight.” 

She gets everything into 2, rather large suitcases and her backpack. She sets them by the door and quickly changes into an old t-shirt to sleep in. She can feel her cheeks start to get wet again as she inhales the scent that has been left on the shirt; _Derek_. She crawls into bed and curls into a small ball. 

She notices the picture on her bedside table. It’s of her and Derek a few weeks into their relationship. It’s the first picture that she has where Derek actually has a genuine smile on his face, not the fake one he was so used to giving people. It makes her heart melt and then it makes her sob giant tears that stain her pillow, her cheeks and the shirt. 

If only she hadn’t been so upfront with her feelings towards the older man. She can’t understand why she even told him those three words. 

“I love you,” she repeats quietly to the air. 

Derek doesn’t do feelings and she knows that. She knows how he gets when people bring up the idea of love and long relationships. It’s like he gets a chill and then ignores everyone around him, especially Stiles. More Stiles than anyone else, really.  

But that’s in the past now. In less than 24 hours she will be on a plane heading to London to see one of her best friends. The one person that probably won’t judge her for what she said of for what she feels. That’s just the kind of person Jackson is with her. It’s weird to think that she’s actually doing this. That she actually has the guts to run off to Jackson without saying goodbye to anyone, especially her dad. 

She sighs and tries to stop thinking about it but it doesn’t work. All she can think about is how tomorrow is going to work. She won’t see her dad until he wakes up in the middle of the day and then she’ll really only see him for an hour or two before he leaves to go back to work and she takes the opportunity to go to the airport before she can think about changing her mind. 

She’s still awake when she hears the front door open and shut again, signaling the end of his shift. Stiles has the urge to spring from the bed and bolt into his arms. To tell him everything that happened with Derek and that she just really needs to get away. But she can’t do that. Knowing her father, he would find some excuse for Derek’s actions and tell her to stop overreacting. She waits until his bedroom door closes before she breaks down again. Derek always comes over when her dad works the night shift, he’s always there to cuddle with her and make sure she falls asleep. And even though her dad is home and she’s not alone, she can’t fall asleep without his arms draped around her thin frame. 

“Leaving Derek is going to be the hardest thing I’m ever going to do,” she sobs quietly to herself. 

How will she live without any of them by her side? 

“Only one way to find out,” she mumbles through the tears as she closes her eyes and tries to fall asleep. 

After all, she’s in for one hell of a long day tomorrow. 

     


	2. Something Is Bound To Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles arrives in London.

“Hey Kiddo,” her dad greets as Stiles appears in the kitchen. 

He offers a smile and she tries her best to return it without letting him know that she’s not okay, that she’s upset and most importantly that she’s leaving. 

“I made your favorite,” he tries again. 

He pushes a plate towards Stiles and she can’t help but grin at the sweet goodness that has been set in front of her. 

“Oh my God,” she moans as she sticks a piece of french toast in her mouth. “I so need this right now.” 

The Sheriff’s smile falters as he looks at his daughter. “Scott came by,” he starts. 

“Dad-” 

“Now just hear me out,” he argues. “Now he won’t tell me what’s happened, only that something went down between you and Derek last night while I was at work and that Derek is pretty upset about it.” 

_Of course he’s upset about it. Some spastic teenager confessed that she was in love with him and he doesn’t feel the same way._

“So whatever it is,” her dad continues, completely unaware that Stiles was just lost in her own thoughts. “Fix it because you and that boy have been fighting too hard to be together to let some silly argument interfere.” 

Stiles continues to eat her food, not bothering to tell her dad what really happened. She just shrugs and finishes her breakfast before heading back upstairs, not missing her dad’s disappointed sigh as she left. He doesn’t even know what disappointed is yet. 

As soon as she walks into her room she crashes on the bed and erupts into more hysterical tears over Derek and her stupid mouth. Everything was perfect between them and then she opens her mouth and it’s all gone. 

* * *

 

_“I like this,” he whispers as he nuzzles her neck. “Having you here,” he continues. His arms are wrapped tightly around her, pulling her further into his strong chest. There is nothing else in this moment except them._

_She hums in approval. “I like this too. I like us, Derek.” She could feel him smile against her neck before softly kissing the same spot. “And I really like when you do that,” she giggles, a sound that is music to his ears._

_“After everything you’ve been through, I think you deserve someone that does this. The little things,” he admits. “I’m just happy that you picked me.”_

_She scoffs at his confession before she wiggles out of the protective hold to face him. She gets lost in his light green eyes that tell more than his words ever will. “You’re_ _happy that_ I _picked_ you _? You’re kidding right?” He shakes his head with a bemused expression on his lips. “Derek, have you looked in the mirror lately?”_

_“Yes, Stiles,” he chuckles._

_She pushes him lightly and lets him wrap his arms around her again. “Well then you know that you’re an attractive guy, in his mid twenties, that could honestly have any girl he wanted. Which begs the question: What the hell are you doing with a hyperactive high schooler?”_

_“Enjoying myself.”_

_“We haven’t even had sex,” she grumbles, pouting her plump lips._

_Derek pecks them before pressing a chaste kiss to her nose. “That’s because you’re 17. I technically shouldn’t even be doing this, Stiles.”_

_“Yeah, but I need it,” she whispers, her smile stretching to her eyes._

_“And I will give you so much more when you turn 18,” he promises. “But until then, I’d really love to stay out of jail.”_

_She laughs, a proper, real, loud laugh that only causes him to start laughing with her. “I think I’d really love to keep you out of jail, too!”_

* * *

 

That’s the closest they ever got to an agreement on love; not wanting Derek to go to jail for being with her. Pathetic. Stiles gets up and wipes her eyes before throwing Derek’s shirt off and replacing with another one, one that equally smells of him and his aftershave. Yes, she is trying to get over him, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to give up the small things that once made her smile.  

Stiles had only been laying on the bed again for another minute before the doorbell rings, and continues ringing. 

“ALRIGHT,” she yells as she rushes to get it, knowing that her dad is in the shower and can’t hear it. “WHA- Scott?”

He pulls her into his arms instantly and starts to check her for wounds and scratches, something that has become a repeating occurrence for them. 

“Get off,” she grumbles. 

He only hugs her more. “You weren’t answering your phone,” he states. “I was worried. Derek was worried.”

She scoffs at this. “Derek, worried about me, yeah right.” 

“Okay,” Scott groans. “What has gotten into you two? You know what, I don’t want to know because it doesn’t matter. You’re going to get in that Jeep and drive yourself over to his loft and sort it out because he’s being a dick and it has everything to do with you and you’re relationship.”

Stiles shrugs. “Not my problem anymore.” 

Scott’s mouth falls open, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. For the last 2 years all Stiles has ever talked about was being with Derek Hale, creepy Derek that was accused of killing his sister, and now she is refusing to talk to him even though he’s her boyfriend and they’ve been together for a year, almost 2. 

“Don’t look so surprised.” 

“Did he cheat on you?” Stiles shakes her head. “Did he lie to you?” She shakes her head. “He didn’t hit you, did he? Because I’ll kick his sorry, pathe-”

“Oh my God, no Scott, Derek has never even thought about hitting me. Not while we’ve been together anyway,” she quickly interjects before Scott accuses Derek of abuse with her father in the house.

Scott looks confused, as usual. “Then what the hell happened, Stiles? You are so into him and you left him?” 

“Is that what he told you,” Stiles freaks. Scott nods. “That lying asshole!” 

“So you didn’t leave him last night, half naked in his loft?”

Stiles looks at the ground and bites her lower lip gently. “Okay, so yes, I did leave him half naked in his loft because it was his fault that I did it!” 

“Well what happened?” Stiles sighed and muttered something that even his wolf hearing couldn’t quite pick up on. “Sorry, what was that?” 

She huffs and blows a piece of hair out of her eyes. “He doesn’t love me.” 

Scott listens for the lie, something that will prove his best friend, his sister isn’t telling the truth, but he can’t find it. She’s telling the truth, she doesn’t think that Derek loves her. 

“Stiles, Derek just isn’t very good with words. Maybe he does and he doesn’t know how to show it?” 

Stiles shakes her head. “You weren’t there Scott. You didn’t see his look of horror and disgust. Like he couldn’t believe he let himself get this far in with me. It broke me, Scott. I ca- I can’t do it anymore.” 

And just like that, Stiles was collapsing into Scott’s arms and crying like a baby all over again. And she just lets him hold her until she stops and gets up.

“Want me to come in,” he offers. 

Stiles shakes her head as she realizes the time. “No that’s okay, Scott. Allison and Isaac are probably waiting for you,” she mutters, giving him a small, sad smile. So be gone with yourself, go kiss your girlfriend and tell her you love her. Because someone deserves to hear it.”

“I love you, Stiles.” 

She nods and gives him a tight hug, knowing that it will be their last for awhile. “I love you too, Scott.”

“Oh come on now, it’s like we’re saying goodbye,” he chuckles. “Get off me you goon and go back inside. Watch Netflix and eat junk, that will make you feel better.” 

She laughs and shoves him playfully. “Get lost, punk! I’ll see you later.” 

Scott laughs but he hears it. He hears the slight change in her heartbeat as she says it. He doesn’t push her though. He let’s it go for now because the last thing Stiles needs is for him to dig around in her emotions. So he let’s her go and she watches as he drives off towards Allison's. 

Just as Stiles turns to go inside, her dad rushes out the door. “Gotta go, Kid! Emergency down at the station, I’ll see you tomorrow! Love you!” 

“DAD WAIT,” she screams before he gets in his SUV. She runs and throws herself into his arms. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Stiles,” he chuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

And like that, he’s gone too. And Stiles is on her own. She’ll be on her own for awhile. She calls and orders a cab to come pick her up for the airport. It arrives 15 minutes later. She piles her belongings in the trunk and makes sure the house is locked up tight. She’s left notes for people, they somewhat explain why she’s left but they don’t give details about where or for how long. She sighs as the cab pulls away and she watches her childhood home disappear in the background and soon enough, the town of Beacon Hills does the same. 

She shuts her eyes before the tears spill out. She is not about to have a breakdown in a cab, that would be an all time low for her. She uses the end of her t-shirt to wipe the tears away before she takes the sim card out of her phone and places her headphones over her head and clicks ‘shuffle’ on her playlist that is shared between all of her friends. She zones out for the 20 minute journey and only removes her headphones once she is standing outside the International Terminal of the San Francisco airport. 

She dashes inside and gets checked in, with all of her bags. She receives her ticket and answers a few questions considering that it was only purchased last night. Once that is sorted she clears security and grabs something to eat before she goes to the gate. It’s only 4:20, which means they won’t board for another 5 minutes. She sighs and takes a look around at the various people that will most likely be on the flight and she’s happy to notice that it doesn’t appear to be full, meaning she might just get to stretch out and get some sleep. 

When the airline staff cheerfully calls for the boarding to start, Stiles leaps up and gets on the plane as fast as possible to avoid backing out. Beacon Hills is everything, it has everyone and here she is running away. Stiles has always been one to run, but she always has the wolves by her side. Suddenly she’s the one outrunning them and leaving them behind. She pulls her headphones back on to try and drown out the thoughts that keep entering her mind but everything seems to remind her of Derek. 

It’s not until the plane takes off that Stiles finally relaxes because it’s too late to turn back now. All she can do is sleep for 10 hours and then wake up to be comforted by her best friend. 

* * *

When she finally wakes up they are landing at London Heathrow and Stiles’ heart races as she looks out the window and sees the London skyline. She smiles a genuine smile for the first time in 2 days and starts to pack her things away in her backpack. The air hostess comes by and collects her trash just before the touch down. Stiles is one of the first out of her seat because she can’t sit still for another minute. The plane door is opened and Stiles slings her bag over her shoulder before exiting. 

She follows the signs to passport control and then to baggage claim where she can pick up her two suitcases and then she can leave to see Jackson. It takes her a minute to collect the bags but as soon as she does she is racing towards to the exit sign. 

The large doors open automatically and Stiles looks around at all the people with posters, flowers and balloons before she notices one tall, blonde male standing with a bundle of balloons with various sayings about being single and enjoying the moment, and one that says ‘Welcome to London.’ 

She runs and drops everything at his feet before throwing her arms around Jackson’s neck. He lifts her in the air and swings her around before gently setting her back on her feet. 

“I missed you,” he whispers with his forehead against her. “I can’t believe you’re really here, visiting me.” 

Stiles smiles at him and shrugs her shoulders. “I need someone that wasn’t going to judge and someone that doesn’t even like them that much. I need you, Jacks.” 

“Well then, let’s not waste anymore time with this and let’s get home. Or would you like to get something to eat?” 

She ponders the options for a minute. “Let’s go home first because I totally want to see where you live and then how about you take me around and find me something to eat and then get me totally drunk?” 

He chuckles and kisses the top of her head before grabbing her bags. “That sounds like a good plan.” 


	3. Goodbye, My Hopeless Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek's POV

He’s an idiot. He’s a complete idiot that can’t comprehend how he let Stiles walk away from him. She’s going to assume the worst. She’s going to avoid him and go to college across the country now. All because he couldn’t say ‘I love you’ back to her. He’s still standing where she left him just moments ago. Where she told him how much he means to her. 

He didn’t miss the hurt look on her face as he stood there. He didn’t miss the defeated sigh she released as she left. He didn’t miss the smell of embarrassment and hurt. He loves Stiles, he really does. He just doesn’t know how to express that feeling because the last time he did the girl turned out to be a mass murdering psycho bitch. 

“What’s wrong with you,” Peter scoffs from behind him. “And who the hell was at the door? It’s almost midnight.” He takes a minute and breathes in the scent, her scent. “Oh, a booty call. I’m impressed, nephew.” 

Derek grits his teeth and faces his uncle. “Not a booty call.” 

“Well then what is she, Derek? Because you know as well as I do that a girl like Stiles, an intelligent girl, doesn’t stay in a town like Beacon Hills no matter what the guy looks like,” he counters, a smirk spread on his face. 

Derek shakes his head and walks to the kitchen to grab his phone. No texts from her or Scott, which means he doesn’t know yet. Nothing. Silence. It’s unusual. Ever since he and Stiles have been together his phone is never quiet. She’s always texting or calling or sending pictures. There’s always something. 

“What’s bothering you about her this time,” Peter groans. “Please do share.” 

Derek rolls his eyes and ignores him, choosing to go upstairs and mope by himself. Of course the only downside to this is the fact that his bed, most of his clothing and everything in general smells like Stiles; his Stiles. He falls nose first into the bed and just breathes her scent in for a minute before curling around the pillow she would normally use. 

Had Stiles caught him off guard? Yes. Had she shocked him into silence? Yes. Was he expecting her to fall in love with him? No, he wasn’t. He never meant for her to grow attached. But she did and so did he. There is no denying that he’s crazy about her, everyone around them can see that. 

So what does Derek do to end his wallowing? He calls Scott, who answer’s on the second ring. 

“Dude, it’s like 11:55. What do you want,” he mumbles into the phone. 

Derek sighs realizing that this was probably a terrible idea. “I need you to come over because I think I did something really stupid that resulted in Stiles and I breaking up.”

“Oh,” Scott mutters quickly. “I’ll be there in 10.” 

Derek hangs up without saying goodbye because it hits him. Stiles and him are no longer together. She left him half naked standing in the doorway of his loft. If that doesn’t scream ‘we’re done‘ then what does? 

Derek stands and puts on a pair of sweats over his briefs and a t-shirt, the one that Stiles was wearing in bed yesterday. He scratches the back of his head as he ponders how he’s going to get back in her good graces after his screw up. He heads back downstairs and grabs a Gatorade from the fridge. 

“So why’d she leave,” Peter asks, not really caring about the answer. 

“Because I didn’t answer her.” 

“About,” Peter fishes. 

Derek glares at his uncle and sighs. “She told me that she loves me and wanted to know if I love her too.” 

“Wow, so she thinks you guys are pretty serious?” 

“We are serious; were serious.” 

Peter stands from his spot on the couch and give Derek an unsure look. “Well then why didn’t you say it back?”

“Because I can’t.”

“Can’t love her or can’t say it?” 

“Does it matter,” Derek groans. “Either way, she’s gone and we’re done.” 

Peter opens his mouth to say something but the alarm to the loft sounds and soon enough Scott is ripping the door open and demanding what Derek did to Stiles. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Derek yells. 

“Now that’s the truth,” Peter mutters sarcastically. 

Derek tosses Scott a Gatorade and motions for him to go sit down. If there’s one person that can tell Derek how to win Stiles back, it’s Scott. Scott has all the answers when it comes to his best friend. Maybe he wasn’t always helpful just in spite of Derek, but ever since becoming an alpha, he’s been more trusting and far more open to Derek and Stiles’ relationship. 

“Start from the beginning,” Scott orders. 

Derek raises his eyebrows, “Like when we first started seeing each other?” 

“No, from tonight!” 

“Oh right,” Derek mutters. “She came over around 9. She was anxious but told me not worry. We went upstairs, did some personal things and then cuddled.”

Scott shudders at the thought of his best friend in bed with Derek but quickly pushes the thought from his mind. “So what went wrong?” 

“She started talking about college and about what we were going to do.”

“What did you tell her,” Scott demanded. 

Derek shrugged. “I told her we’d figure it out when we got to that point.” Neither of them miss Peter’s snort from across the room. “Why are you still here?” 

“Because this is so much more entertaining than my apartment.” 

Scott shakes his head and punches Derek in the arm. “You _never_ tell a girl that you’ll work out a problem when the problem happens, dude!”

“What was I supposed to tell her,” Derek panics.

“That you’ll make it work! That you’ll do everything in your power to make sure she’s happy and if she’s happy with you, you’ll make sure to stay with her!”

Derek is sure he sounds dumb when the word “Oh” comes out of his mouth. 

“Jesus Derek, do you know how emotional Stiles is?” Derek nods. “Well then you’re meant to keep her happy!”

“It’s not like I told her that we were going to break up!” 

“That’s pretty much what she heard! What happened after that?”

Derek frowns, “She left.” 

“There’s more.” 

“She stopped at the door to the loft and told me that she’s in love with me.” 

“Okay,” Scott mumbles. “And you said?” 

“I didn’t.” 

“DIDN’T LOVE HER?!?”

Derek shoves Scott off the couch and shakes his head. “No! I didn’t say anything,” he hisses. 

“THAT’S WORSE!” Scott shrieks. Derek’s eyes widen in surprise. “If you don’t say anything, the girls thinks that she doesn’t mean anything to you. That it’s just sex. Combine that thought with Stiles and you’re in deep shit.”

“You have to talk to her,” Derek demands. 

“Me? No way!”

“Please,” Derek pleads. “You’re her best friend and she trusts you more than anything. Text her!” Scott caves and shoots her text. Seconds later she replies and Scott grimaces. “What?” 

“She says it’s nothing. And for Stiles to not want to say anything to me about it means she’s hurt, dude. I’ll go over tomorrow and confront her.” 

“No,” Derek sighs. “Don’t do that.” 

Scott pats his shoulder and gives him a weak smile. “I’ll tell her that I don’t know. I’ll figure out how she’s feeling and I’ll let her tell me that she loves you and hear what she thinks about it.” 

“I can’t ask you to lie to your best friend,” Derek whimpers. 

Scott shrugs, “You’re pack which means I’ve got to look out for you too, you big idiot.” 

“Thanks, Scott.” 

“No worries. But I’m going home now. And I’ll go see her in the morning.” 

Derek nods and follows Scott to the door. “I owe you one.”

“Yeah,” Scott chuckles. “You do.” 

* * *

 

Scott tells Derek on the phone that the conversation with Stiles was okay. She seemed a little off but that Derek really shouldn’t worry about it, that Scott will help fix it after his date with Allison and Isaac. 

But Derek doesn’t want to wait, not after all the waited he did last night that ruined his relationship with Stiles. So he drives to her house. It’s been about 2 hours since Scott went over so she probably won’t be expecting anyone, especially Derek. This is his chance to prove to her that he really does care about her, he just can’t say those three words yet. 

He pulls down the street, happy that he doesn’t have to abandon his car two blocks away anymore. Everyone knows that the Sheriff’s daughter is dating the older man. But it could be worse; it could be Peter. 

Derek walks up the driveway and rings the doorbell; 10 times when no one answers the first. “ _Her jeep is in the drive_ ,” he thinks. That means she should be home. 

He grabs the spare key from under the mat and goes inside and straight to her room. It smells off. It smells of sadness, regret and self-loathing; not a good combination, especially not for Stiles. He looks around further and notices almost all of her clothes are missing. This realization causes Derek’s heart to plummet. He sees envelopes sitting on her bed, all with a different name; Dad, Scott, Derek, Isaac and even one for Peter. 

Derek opens his and reads: 

_Derek,  
I just want you to know how sorry I am, for everything. I’m sorry for pushing you when I was 17 and for getting the wrong idea almost two years later. I never wanted to ruin what we had, but I did. Yes, the main reason that I have left is because of you, because of our relationship. I just can’t do it. I can’t look at you everyday or at every pack meeting knowing that I am so completely in love with you and you don’t feel or think the same way. So, I’ve left. And you don’t get to know where I’ve gone, you don’t get to search for me or call to any other wolves about a missing girl. I want you to leave it. I want you to read this letter and know that while our relationship did this, I don’t blame you, I could never. Hell, maybe in a few weeks I’ll chicken out and come home, but that really isn’t my plan. I’ve written a letter for Peter that tells him I’ll be sending him digital copies of a few resources that he will need when the next supernatural rolls into Beacon Hills, so don’t worry about that. Please look out for all of them (and yes, that does mean Creeperwolf), they need you. Scott maybe an alpha now but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need the help. Don’t let Isaac run away or do anything stupid, I know he’s got Allison but still. And most importantly, look after yourself, Der. At least promise me that you’ll take care of yourself and not turn back into the dick I met in my first year of high school. Trust the pack. _

_Love you,  
Stiles_

Derek’s cheeks are wet, much to his surprise. And in that moment, he lets out the most pained howl he’s ever released as he collapses to his knees. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it's short, I'm sorry but starting these is always a little difficult. Bare with me until the middle?


	4. Now Is The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson takes Stiles out.

“This place is amazing,” Stiles muses as she enters Jackson’s apartment which is located off of Hyde Park in the heart of London. 

Jackson smiles and sets her bags down for her. “I’m glad you like it, I’ve definitely made it home.”

“I can see that,” she chuckles. “So roommates?” 

Jackson shakes his head, “Not a chance. I hate people.”

“Totally saw that one coming, ya jerk!” 

He shrugs and pulls a beer from his fridge and passes it to Stiles. “Well, I suppose I don’t hate you which means you’re more than welcome to stay as long as you want. I guess you’re my roommate now.” 

Stiles freezes and sets the beer down. “Jackson, I didn’t mean to-”

“Shut up, it’s fine. It will be nice to not be lonely and to have someone that I genuinely care about living with me,” he admits. “So stay. I can buy you everything you need and when you’re ready, you can get a job, if you want.” 

Stiles throws her arms around him and can’t help but release a few stray tears. She wipes them away quickly before Jackson can call her out on them. She picks her beer up and they toast to her arrival before crashing on the couch in front of a large TV. Stiles looks at her phone for a minute before realizing she doesn’t have a SIM card anymore. 

“Hey can we stop by a phone service provider? I need a SIM card for my phone.”

Jackson nods, “Sure, we’ll go when we finish our beers and before grabbing dinner.”

“Cool, thanks!” 

Jackson smiles and goes back to looking for something to watch on TV. It all seems very domestic to Stiles. Something she never really imagined from Jackson. It makes her heart ache though, thinking that this was what she wanted with Derek and knowing that she won’t ever get it now. If only she hadn’t misread the signs.

“Stop thinking about it,” Jackson orders. “I don’t know what happened between you and Hale but you need to stop thinking about it or it won’t get better.” 

Stiles sighs, knowing that he’s right. “So you’re not just another pretty face,” she teases as she pinches his cheek.

He swats her away before giving her a smirk. “Oh I definitely am, but I’m also the master at moving on from relationships and pretending that problems don’t exist. It works for me.”

“Lydia,” Stiles asks. He nods. “You know she was a mess when you left?”

He perks up and looks at her for a second before shrugging her comment off. “Whatever, Danny told me she moved on.”

“Yeah, he died.” 

 “What?” His voice is shocked, Danny definitely didn’t tell him that Aiden died. 

Stiles nods sadly. “He died fighting for Derek, trying to prove he was one of the good guys. His twin brother was dating Danny.” 

“Yeah, I heard. That’s too bad. I wanted to hate the guy for awhile but now you’re telling me he’s dead and from what Danny was saying Lydia cared about him,” Jackson mumbles. “I hope she’s alright.” 

Stiles reaches out and places her hand on his shoulder. “She is. She’s going to MIT in August, she’s going to do big things, smart things that only Lydia Martin can do and then maybe she’ll come over here.” 

“No she won’t,” he replies. Stiles gives him a questioning look before Jackson chuckles. “Lydia Martin couldn’t keep a secret if it would save her life. If she comes here, she’ll know you’re living with me and she’ll tell the rest of your pack and they’ll come whisk you away. And I don’t want that to happen. You’ve been here for like an hour and I don’t want someone taking you away.” 

He pulls her into his side and she rests her head on his shoulder. Yeah, she definitely missed Jackson. She has no shame as she curls into him and closes her eyes. Domestic, yes, but this is going to be her life now. She’s going to have a life with her best friend in a foreign country, and it’s going to be amazing. 

* * *

 

“Wake up,” a voice demands. “Now!” 

Stiles’ eyes snap open and she looks up to see Jackson towering above her. “What do you want, Whittemore?” 

“To get you drunk and to make you stop thinking about Derek.” 

“I wasn’t-”

Jackson rolls his eyes. “You talk in your sleep, Stiles. _Derek, please, I’m sorry_!” 

“Shut up,” she growls as she throws a pillow at his face. 

He breaks into a fit of laughter before lifting her up over his shoulder and grabbing the keys to his apartment. “You came to me, remember?”

“I’m regretting it now.” 

Jackson laughs as they leave his apartment, ignoring Stiles’ cries for him to put her down because contrary to popular belief she is not a 5 year old that needs a babysitter. He doesn’t put her down until they’re out of the apartment and around the street corner, making it too late for Stiles to turn around. 

“Come on, Stilinski,” Jackson calls as he crams his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. “I’m going to show you what it’s like to live a life of luxury.” 

She smirks and mutters, “Getting drunk isn’t exactly a luxury.”

He bumps his hip against hers when she catches up and then tosses an arm around her, keeping her close as they pass a large group of teenagers that look roughly the same age. 

“Where are we going?” 

Jackson smirks and continues to steer Stiles in the same direction. “You’re going to have to wait and see.” 

“Jackson, you realize I’m probably not going to get into anywhere, right? I mean, look at me,” Stiles pouts. 

Jackson stops her and does take a look at her clothing. “Hmm, you are right. We’re going to have to fix that. Come on, follow me!” 

He takes off down a side street and Stiles runs to catch up. They come to a grinding halt outside of a small boutique that looks like it costs way too much money to even stand outside. Stiles sighs knowing where this is going. 

Jackson knocks on the door and a young woman opens the door. “Jackson? Have you seen the time?” 

He nods apologetically. “Maggie, you owe me one, remember?” 

The girl sighs and give him a smile before letting them in. “What can I do for you?” 

“My friend here needs an outfit for tonight. We’re going to the Gardens.” 

The woman looks shocked and then glances at Stiles. “Yes, good call on coming here first.” 

Stiles looks down at her feet. She’s dressed in jeans and a Flash t-shirt.

“Not to worry, dear,” the woman quickly adds with a cheery smile. “You’re a stunner just like Jacks, you’ll look fabulous in this!” 

The woman pulls a short black, lace dress of a rack. It’s not Stiles’ style, but Jackson is smiling and this woman is adamant on her trying it on, so she does. She shrugs off her clothes and hands them to Jackson before shimmying into the tight dress and putting on a pair of uncomfortable heels the woman passed into the changing room. She looked in the mirror and gasped. She looks amazing, fierce. She would definitely get the Lydia Martin stamp of approval and shock anyone that knows her. 

She emerges from the dressing room and Jackson’s mouth falls open. “Holy shit,” he mutters. 

The woman claps her hands together and gives Stiles a thumbs up. “I knew you would look gorgeous in that! I’ve been waiting to find someone with the right body shape to fill it out!”

“Thanks Maggie,” Jackson tells the woman. “Now we’re even.” 

The girl laughs and pecks Jackson’s cheek. “Not even close, my friend. You’re the reason why this place stays open.” 

Jackson hugs her again before leading Stiles out of the shop without paying for the dress or the shoes. “We didn’t pay.”

“I know, it’s a favor.” 

Stiles understands that Jackson is some big time fancy model now but that doesn’t mean she’s okay with not paying for a dress, especially one as nice as this one.  

“A favor usually doesn’t cost 2,000 dollars.” 

“In my world they do,” Jackson chuckles before placing a kiss to Stiles’ head and pulling her towards a building. “This is it,” he exclaims. 

Stiles looks at the building, it doesn’t look like much, but there is a huge line forming around the block. 

“Um Jackson?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

He pulls her towards the door and bypasses everyone in line. The aggravated looks on some people’s faces makes Stiles laugh but at the same time she doesn’t really know what’s going on and why Jackson is cutting the line. 

“James,” Jackson calls as they approach a door. 

A tall, broad-shouldered man acknowledges Jackson with a hug. “Jackson, my man, nice to see you again,” he cheers in a heavy British accent. “Long time, no see!” 

“I was taking part in Paris Fashion Week, you know how designers are,” Jackson chuckles. “Anyway, any chance on letting my girl and I slip through?” 

James glances at the line and then at the door before turning back to Jackson. He smiles and unclips the velvet rope in front of the door. “Go on in and enjoy yourselves!” 

Jackson slips something into the man’s hand as he walks in, dragging Stiles behind him. When they enter through the doors Stiles gasps. It opens out into a rooftop garden blaring loud music and bright colored lights. 

“THIS IS AWESOME!” Stiles yells over the music with a gigantic smile on her face. 

Jackson nods and pulls her into a tight hug. “COME ON!” 

He pulls her towards another restricted area and nods at the bouncer. He lets them in and they topple into a couch where various other people surround them. The music is significantly softer and not as deafening, making it easier to speak but not enough to dampen the atmosphere. 

“This is incredible,” Stiles muses. “You live like this?” 

Jackson nods, “Everyday.”  

“It’s-”

“Incredible, yeah you said that already,” Jackson cuts in. “And now you get to live like this too!”

Stiles throws her arms around the boy’s neck, thanking him for everything he’s already done for her. 

“Oh! Here, have this,” Jackson orders as he digs around in his pocket. He’s setting her phone in her hand. “I went out while you were sleeping to get you a card for it. I’ll tell you the number when we get home.”

“Thanks,” Stiles says with a smile as she turns the phone on. 

The only problem with turning the phone on is that text messages are often saved to the phone and not the SIM card. Meaning Stiles is hit with 30 unread texts from her pack. 

“They know,” she mumbles. Jackson reaches over for her hand and gently holds it while she scrolls through the messages. 

**Scottie Boy: Derek told me everything, Stiles! It’s not that bad! Not bad enough to leave! Come back NOW!**

**Scottie Boy: I know you’re hurting, but let’s work this out together.**

**Scottie Boy: Stiles, you’re like my sister. I can’t live without you.**

**Isaac: I miss you.**

**Scottie Boy: You’re hurting Isaac, Stiles! Come on home.**

**Isaac: Will you come home? Not now, but soon?**

**Isaac: If not, please stay safe Stiles. I love you, Packmom.**

**Padre: Genim Milena Stilinski get your ass home NOW!**

**Padre: This is not a joke. I am not laughing. Get home.**

**Scottie: Stop being a fuckwit, Stiles!**

**Creeper Wolf: As much as I detest sending this to you, the pack does is not taking your disappearance very well. While I understand the need to get away from all of it, I cannot condone your choice of actions. Especially as you’re the Pack mother, a vital part of our little group. I’m not going to rush you, I imagine I will actually hear from you soon, but Stiles, be careful. The world is cruel beyond Beacon Hills and you won’t have Scott or my nephew to protect you. Stay safe, don’t die and when you’re ready, come home.**

“How many messages are there,” Jackson finally asks, interrupting Stiles from her reading. “Looks like a lot.” 

Stiles nods. “There’s like 30 and I haven’t even made it through half of them. Though they all appear to say the same thing: Come home.” 

“Will you?” 

She shrugs. “Eventually, I guess. Maybe in a month or two,” admits as she goes back to reading the rest of the texts, though she wishes she didn’t. The last one is the one that makes her want to pack up and get on the next flight to San Francisco. 

**Sour Wolf <3: Stiles I am so sorry! I never meant for this to happen, please believe me. I have so much to say to you and I never know how to say it. It’s hard for me. But maybe if you come home, we can work on it together. I need you Stiles and I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive without you. Please come home. Please. **

Stiles blinks away a few tears and locks her phone, handing it back to Jackson.

“You’ll be okay,” Jackson tells her. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.” 

Stiles gives him a sad smile before standing up and releasing a breath. “Come on, I need a drink!” 

“Of course,” Jackson chuckles. He maneuvers her to the bar and flags down the bartender. “One Kamikaze and a Red Russian, please.” 

Stiles watches the drinks being made, noting that they are both vodka based. Derek hates vodka. 

“Here,” Jackson says as he shoves a red tinted drink in her hands. “You’ll like it, it’s potent but kind of sweet.”

“Thanks,” she muses before taking a sip. He’s right, it’s potent, very alcoholic but surprisingly delicious. “Shit, you’re right for once!”

Jackson rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his own. “I’m surprised you didn’t intervene and order something with Jack in it.”

“Too predictable,” Stiles laughs. “Maybe a little bit later.”

Jackson shakes his head, “You are not mixing alcohol tonight. I don’t want you puking on my nice, clean floors!” 

“You’re no fun,” Stiles huffs.

“Oh I’m plenty of fun,” he whispers in her ear with a wink. 

* * *

 

Stiles wakes up the next morning (afternoon?) with a raging headache and no memory of the night after Jackson and her ordered 4 more rounds of drinks. She didn’t keep her promise. She switched between many different drinks, she wanted to try them all. She smells coffee from outside of the room she’s in and quickly follows the scent. 

She exits the room and pads down the hall towards the kitchen, where Jackson is standing in front of the stove, cooking what looks like an omelet.

“Your coffee is on the island,” he groans. “And I’m making you brunch.” 

“Brunch,” Stiles asks, her voice strained from the night before.

Jackson doesn’t say anything, he just nods before slipping the omelet on to a plate and setting it down in front of her. She takes a bite and lets a loud moan escape her mouth. 

“Yeah, I cook,” Jackson says smugly.

She smirks and continues eating. It’s been 48 hours since her issue with Derek and she’s already feeling better, more relaxed about the whole situation. She might just make it out of this in the end. 

“So, Danny called me earlier this morning,” Jackson mutters.

“Oh?” Stiles’ eyebrows raise as she says it, further demonstrating her concern and surprise. Jackson nods. “What did he say?” 

“Scott’s a mess. Derek mopes around. Isaac can’t sleep, probably from the restlessness of his alpha and Derek. Even Peter appears to be affected, less snarky, more tuned out. They’re worried sick about you.” 

“I wrote them notes.”

“You ran away.” 

Stiles rolls her eyes and places her plate in the dishwasher before refilling her coffee cup. “And what should I do?”

“Call Danny, tell him you’re okay and that he can tell the rest of the group the same thing.”

“He’ll know I’m here.” 

Jackson nods, “Yes, but it’s Danny. He doesn’t tell anyone anything and he’s coming to visit in like a month anyways.” 

Stiles chokes on her coffee at the confession. “Are you serious? You didn’t think to mention that before I moved in with you?” 

“I thought you liked Danny?” 

“I do but that’s not the point! The point is, I’m not calling anyone because I don’t need to and I shouldn’t feel obligated to do so either.” 

Jackson sighs and throws his hands up in defeat. “Look Stiles, I have no problem with you running away and staying with me, in fact, I kind of applaud it. But the point is, people are worried about you and a quick sign that you’re okay would probably be appreciated.”

He slides her phone across to her with Danny’s number already open and a new message ready to be keyed in. Stiles rolls her eyes and sighs before taking the phone in her hands. 

**Stiles: Danny, it’s Stiles. I’m fine. Let them know. Don’t say anything else and don’t give out this number.**

Stiles presses send before she regrets it and goes back to eating.

“Good girl,” Jackson coos as he places a kiss on her cheek.

Stiles pretends to gag as she shoves him away. “I don’t want your mouth anywhere near me,” she playfully snaps. “I don’t know where it’s been.”

“Kissing the finest of asses,” Jackson snarkily declares. “How’d you sleep,” Jackson asks casually as he changes the topic. 

Stiles shrugs her shoulders. “Pretty decent actually. Don’t know if it was the booze or the bed. I usually can’t fall asleep without Derek,” she replies, her voice fading softly as she starts to think about Derek. 

“It was probably the fact you were drunk off your ass and the bed,” Jackson chuckles. “It’s a nice bed.”

Stiles shakes her head with a smile and finishes her breakfast and coffee before putting the dishes in the dishwasher. 

“So plans today,” she asks as she turns around and jumps up to sit on the island. “Unless we’re actually going to stand around and talk about how comfortable your bed is?”

Jackson looks like he’s contemplating the idea before being hit with a sock. “Alright alright,” he laughs. “I actually don’t know. We could do touristy things, if you want?” 

“Like go to the London Eye?” Jackson grimaces but nods. “And Buckingham Palace?” 

“Sure,” he mutters. “If that’s what you want to do.” 

Stiles jumps down and tackles him in a hug. “You know I love touristy shit!” 

“Unfortunately,” Jackson huffs under his breath. 

Stiles shoves his shoulder before going back to her room and throwing clothes on. “What’s the weather like,” she yells back to him. 

“Nice!” 

“Shorts?” 

Jackson appears in the doorway and gives her a skeptical look. “It’s England, Stiles. What do you think?” 

_Not shorts then._

 


	5. Ashes and Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek understand that new relationships don't work when they're still craving each other, and the pack can't function with Stiles being gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a bit of back and forth here between Stiles' POV and Derek's. Also, there will be several time lapses. Hopefully that's okay.

_“She’s fine.”_

It’s been four months since Stiles disappeared and all Derek thinks about is how she reached out to Danny. Granted the only thing Danny got was that she’s fine where ever she is and Derek knows that Danny has suspicions about where she’s hiding, but he won’t budge. 

“Derek, have you thought about going on a holiday,” Isaac asks from his spot on the couch. 

Derek stops making coffee and turns to look at his beta with an eyebrow raised. “A holiday? For what?” 

“Stiles.” Her name rolls off his tongue so easily while Derek can’t even get it out of his throat anymore. “You can try and convince us all that you’re okay because Braeden’s here but we’re not stupid.” 

“Braeden is helping me, Isaac. I don’t need a holiday,” he states calmly. “Besides, we know she’s okay and that’s really helped me.”

Isaac releases a humorless laugh and shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever. Scott, Ali and I are heading to Europe for Spring Break.” 

“Why Europe?” 

“Why not,” Isaac laughs. “Ali wants us to see France and Scott wants to go to London. I’m just going along for the ride.” 

Derek rolls his eyes and laughs. “I’m not judging, but sometimes I don’t get how you guys work. I could never think about sharing someone.”

“It’s natural with us I guess.” Derek nods but Isaac can pick up on the fact that he still doesn’t quite get it. “Derek, if you’ve never loved two people at once, that love each other and love you, you won’t quite get it. You had Stiles and Stiles had you. There was no one that was going to come between that. So I get that you don’t get it.” 

“And now I’ve got Braeden,” Derek adds, though he isn’t quite sure why he feels the need to justify that relationship. Isaac just stares at him blankly before shaking his head. “Look, it’s been four months and we haven’t heard a word from her. She left. And while I’m happy to take some of that responsibility, she is also at fault. I needed to move on and I have. I can only hope that she’s doing the same.” 

 

* * *

 

“So you’ve been in London for four months now,” James starts. “And we’ve been talking for three.”

Stiles giggles and nods her head. “I’m glad you’ve kept track of our interactions.” 

“Shut up,” he mutters with a cheeky grin. “What I’m hinting at, is that we should definitely make it exclusive. Stiles, I don’t want to talk to anyone else, if you get what I’m saying.” 

“I get what you’re saying,” she whispers, a red blush creeping on to her cheeks and warming her face. “And I don’t think I want to talk to anyone else either.” 

James leans across the table and softly brushes his lips against hers. It’s a gesture that they’ve done many a time, but now there was something else behind it. A creeping feeling that warmed Stiles slightly and helped her realize that she would no longer need to be alone, that someone would be there to help her through anything and everything. 

“I’m glad,” he whispers as he pulls away. “Because ever since Jackson introduced us, I haven’t been able to think about anyone else.” 

Stiles is sure that if she wasn’t blushing before, she definitely is now. “The feeling is mutual, James. I never thought that someone like me would manage to capture the full extent of your attention though.” 

“Well, it’s not everyday that one of my models turns up with a stray that is just as gorgeous as any female model in any of the shoots in Vogue. Yes, I was aware that Jackson had a friend visiting but he never said that she was a tall, brunette beauty that could take the fashion industry by storm if she would let someone handle her.” 

Stiles rolls her eyes and lets out a chuckle. “Please, me, in a fashion shoot? Get real, dude.” 

“I’m being serious,” James argues playfully. “Stiles, you’re gorgeous! I would love to photograph you sometime. Hopefully if we’re going to be exclusive, you might let me?” There’s a hint of eagerness in his voice, it’s endearing and very cute. Stiles has never seen a 25 year old man so desperate over her. 

“Maybe,” Stiles teases. “But you know I’m swamped with Uni at the moment.”

James takes her hand and gently presses his lips to it. “Love, you’re the smartest girl I’ve met in awhile. You’re already excelling in all of your classes, I think you’ll be able to take an hour out on the weekend and come model for me.” 

“I’ll think about, James. But right now, I’ve got to go to go to my Introduction to Quantitative Biology lecture.” She smiles at him as she stands. “But, come over tonight. We’ll order in and watch movies.” 

He wraps his arms around his waist and pulls her into his chest, gently pecking her lips and resting his forehead against hers. “That sounds delightful, my dear. I’ll wait for your text. Now go own, I refuse to be the bad influence that causes you to be late!” 

She feels him pinch her ass slightly before she blushes and quickly sprints out the door and towards the lecture hall. James is a good guy and he’s going to take care of her. But every time she’s with him, she can’t help but let some thoughts linger over Derek. She hears through Jackson that he’s gone and got himself a girlfriend, some badass mercenary. Sounds like Derek’s type. And don’t get her wrong, she wants him to be happy. She only wishes that he could be happy with her.

 

* * *

 

“Dude, you’re going to London too,” Scott enthuses with Danny at Derek’s loft. “This is going to be awesome! I hope we’re there at the same time so that we can meet up and grab a beer or something!” 

Allison just smiles at the kid and leans her head on his shoulder. “Scott, honey, London is a big place. Danny might have other plans.” 

“And as much as this conversation is stimulating my intellect, I would appreciate it if we could proceed with the meeting,” Peter groans from his spot on the couch. “Something is attacking people again so let’s just get this over with.” 

“Someone’s grumpy,” Isaac mutters. “Lighten up, there‘s always something out to kill people. We can handle it.” 

Derek steps forward, ignoring the beta and his uncle. Braeden stands at his side, her hand gently brushing against the back of his own. While he cares for her, his eyes can’t help but linger over to the seat that Stiles would always occupy. Where she would be bouncing one of her legs, usually her right, up and down in a constant jitter. Where she would argue with Peter and not be intimidated, where she would break his walls down and turn him back into the man before the fire. Derek misses her. Terribly. 

“I’m convinced it’s just a few stray wolves. We’ll alternate keeping watch over various places and if we catch them, we talk. If that fails-”

“We kill them,” Braeden interrupts. 

Derek nods before crossing his arms over his chest. “You guys can leave now. Or do whatever.” 

“I’m going to go call Jackson,” Danny informs the group. “That’s where I’m staying in London, Scott. So if you’d like to meet up, you’ll be forced to meet up with him too. And his girlfriend.”

Derek notices that Lydia instantly straightens and holds her breath. “He has a girlfriend?” 

“He hasn’t said anything but there’s definitely a girl living with him. The last time I Skyped with him, I saw a few pieces of feminine clothing lying around and the time before that I heard her yell at him about something,” Danny admits with a shrug of his shoulders. “Probably won’t be around by the time I’m there though, he doesn’t hang on to girls for very long.” 

Lydia simply makes a sound of annoyance, Derek sighs. The pack isn’t as strong now that Stiles isn’t there. They don’t bond anymore. They come over when Derek needs to speak to all of them, providing they’re in town. Isaac sometimes stays over but rarely because he stays with Scott and they go to Beacon Hills Community College while Allison and Lydia are at Stanford. Danny doesn’t come home very often as he’s all the way on the East Coast at MIT. 

“What do you guys think Stiles is doing? I mean it’s Thanksgiving and she’s no where to be found,” Isaac mumbles sadly. Derek’s head snaps up and he sees the beta looking at Stiles‘ spot on the couch, the same spot Derek had been staring at moments ago. 

Scott lets out a whine of sadness as the conversation veers on to his best friend. “I just hope she’s happy.” 

Allison and Isaac cuddle against him, trying to keep him from breaking down by the looks of things. “I’m sure she is,” Allison whispers. 

“Hey Danny, didn’t she text you a few months ago,” Derek asks quietly. Danny nods with a confused expression. “Can’t you trace the number she texted from?” 

“No,” Danny answers flatly. “That would breach all trust she has in me. She told me she was fine and that she didn’t want me to do anything else but tell you that.” 

Derek growls but suddenly stops when he feels Braeden put her arms around his chest. “At least text her back and see how she’s doing now,” he spits back through gritted teeth. 

“No, Derek. Just give her time. She won’t stay away forever, she can’t stay away from her dad for that long,” Danny admits softly. “She just needs time away from all of this. Away from the Supernatural and away from you.” 

The way Danny says it is calm but Derek stiffens at the accusation. Well not accusation, the truth. 

“I’m going home,” Peter mutters as he grabs his coat. “This was a lovely evening.” 

As he leaves the loft and gets down stairs, Derek sprints after him. Peter is already getting into his car but stops when he notices his nephew standing outside of the building. Peter sighs and motions for Derek to get in the car. So he does. 

“What is this about,” Peter asks. “I’m presuming it’s about Stiles.” 

Derek nods sadly. “I get that I’m with Braeden now, and she’s great. Really she is, but-”

“She isn’t Stiles,” Peter interjects. “Derek, we all miss Stiles. I hate to admit that I, myself, am included. You will never meet another woman like her, I’m afraid. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Don’t write Braeden off so quickly.” 

“The pack doesn’t like her,” Derek mumbles. “And if the pack doesn’t like her, how can I?”

Peter shrugs as he drives. “Screw the pack.” Derek glares at him. “Derek, if this helps you move on, if being with Braeden can help you move on from Stiles, screw them.” 

“I miss her,” the younger man chokes out. “Every single day.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, does this dress look okay on me,” Stiles asks Jackson for the fiftieth time.

Jackson groans before nodding his head. “Yes. My answer has been the same every time you ask me!” 

“Don’t be a jerk. James told me that I would need to find something for London Fashion Week and I want to look good,” Stiles bites back. “It’s hard for me,” she mutters quietly. 

Jackson rolls his eyes. “Stiles, you’re like 5’10 and you’re skinny as hell! Everything looks good on you and I can almost promise that even models will be jealous.”

“Yeah, well I still want to make sure,” she argues. 

“Relax,” Jackson urges her. “You’re going to look drop dead gorgeous, James won’t be able to keep his hands off you and everyone else won’t be able to look away.” He offers her a smile before gently hugging her. “Now buy the damn dress and let’s get out of here. I didn’t do this with Lydia and I’m not going to make it a habit doing it with you.”

Stiles sticks her tongue out at her friend before slipping back into the dressing room and changing back into her clothes. Before heading back out she examines her appearance in the mirror. Her hair has grown considerably in the last few months and she’s finally let it stay curly, like her mother’s had been. She is better with makeup but still doesn’t like spending the time doing it, though James seems to think she looks beautiful regardless of whether she’s wearing anything or not. And even though everything is going great and she’s finally become happy again, something is still missing; something big. It’s in that moment that she realizes that it might be time to go home and face everyone, especially her dad and Scott. She smiles and pulls her hair into a ponytail before exiting with the dress, thinking of how she’s going to tell Jackson.

“Why are you smiling? What did you do,” Jackson asks suspiciously.

Stiles laughs and shakes her head. “I didn’t do anything. I’m just really happy and I’m glad that I came here to see you, to get away-”

“But,” Jackson interrupts, sensing that there is a second half of Stiles‘ statement. 

Stiles smiles sadly before continuing. “But I think I’m going to go home at Christmas.” 

“What about Uni?” 

“I’m not really learning anything, Jacks,” she sighs. “And I’m starting to miss my dad and no, I can’t just tell him where I am because he’ll tell the others and send one of the m to get me and I don’t want that.” 

Jackson starts shaking his head in protest. “No, Stiles, you can’t leave! C’mon, we’ve been having so much fun and you’re going to school, you’ve got James. You can’t just pack up and leave!” 

“I did it before,” she argues. “Look, I wasn’t really asking you, Jackson.” 

Jackson’s face falls as he stares at his friend, the girl that has actually managed to become his best friend. “Stiles, I’m not ready for you to leave,” he admits. “Look, your first year of Uni has already been paid for. At least stay until May to finish up?”

“Fine,” Stiles sighs, finally giving in to the boy in front of her. “But I need to find a way to get something to my dad for Christmas. Like a card or something.” 

“I’ll send it to my parents and have them post it,” Jackson states. “Or they can place it in the mailbox, no stamps or addresses attached. How does that sound?” 

“Good,” Stiles says as she nods in agreement. “That sounds like it will work.” 

Jackson smiles and takes the gown from her hands and heading to the woman at the front to pay. He’s been so good to Stiles, both him and James spoil her like she’s a princess. It’s not that she doesn’t like it or appreciate it, she just wishes there was some way that she could pay them back. 

“Come on you,” Jackson calls as he slings the garment bag over his shoulder. “We’re meeting James for lunch.”

Stiles quickly walks to keep up with him as they walk towards their favorite cafe, bistro that they always manage to find themselves in. James is already there and waiting for them when they arrive. He leaps up and places a chaste kiss on Stiles’ lips before giving Jackson a one armed hug. 

“And how is my favorite girl today?”

Stiles blushes and takes the seat next to him. “I’m good. I got a gown to wear for the big party at Fashion Week!” 

“I actually got it,” Jackson corrects her in a light, humorous tone. She sticks her tongue out at him and he just laughs quietly to himself. “And I’m fine, James. Thanks for asking!” 

“I was getting to it,” James informs Jackson. “But since you beat me to it, forget it, I don’t even care.” 

“Children,” Stiles cautions in a playful manner. “We don’t want to get thrown out of here without getting something to eat.” 

Jackson grimaces, probably thinking about how Stiles gets when she’s hungry and James just chuckles before settling into casual conversation. They talk about why Jackson didn’t go home for Thanksgiving and what they were planning on doing for Christmas. James asks Stiles about school and pretends to understand what she’s talking about when she beams about her papers on Quantitative Biology. 

“Will you return to Beacon Hills for Christmas,” James suddenly asks. Stiles freezes and gulps, she has avoided this earlier in the conversation. “Because I’d love to actually meet your father,” he continues. “If that’s okay with you.”

Stiles clears her throat as she prepares an answer but Jackson beats her to it. 

“Actually we’re planning on staying here for Christmas and New Years. It’s too much hassle to go back for the short time and I’ve got some shoots lined up anyways.”

James nods but gives them both confused looks. “What about your families? Will they come here?”

Both Stiles and Jackson shake their heads slowly. “My parents ditched me,” Jackson deadpans.

“I ran away from my problems.”

“Problems,” James asks. “What kind of problems?”

Stiles shrugs as she says, “Personal problems. Boy drama.”

“You were in a relationship?” 

“Kind of.”

This leads to Stiles informing James all about Derek and their complicated relationship. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to mind and actually confesses to Stiles that he had been in a serious relationship that didn’t end well before her. 

He kisses her cheek after they finish lunch and their drinks. “I’m heading to Milan for a shoot but I promise I’ll text and call you whenever I can.” 

Stiles nods and lets him kiss her again before he dashes away from the cafe, leaving her with Jackson as usual. It always leaves her with an empty feeling, something she never got with Derek. 

And there she goes again; thinking about the 26 year old werewolf that probably doesn’t even talk about her to anyone. And here she is, wishing she could go back in time and wake up in his arms just one more time, wishing she hadn’t have left and abandoned everyone; mainly her father. 

And Derek. 

 

* * *

 

“Christmas is in 5 days and there’s no sign of her,” Scott whimpers to Allison and Isaac in Derek’s loft. 

It’s finally stopped smelling of her. This has caused Derek to withdrawal from the rest of the pack. 

“There’s still time,” Isaac hopes. “She could show up tomorrow.” 

Allison holds them both, she appears strong but Derek can smell how afraid she is. Everyone’s afraid. If they keep going on like this they’ll fall apart. They’re going to suffer more without Stiles, without their packmom. 

“Is Braeden coming home for Christmas,” Peter pipes up from the corner, his question trying to change the topic of conversation. 

“We broke up,” Derek mutters with a shrug. They all ask why. “How can she stay with someone that clearly loves another girl? I can’t ask her to do that and she knows she can’t do it anymore. It was never going to work, we were just ashes and wine.” 

Everyone stares at him in shock. He keeps quiet about the Stiles situation, not wanting to show his pain to the pack. 

“Yeah guys, you’re not the only ones missing her right now,” he mutters before trudging upstairs and falling face first on to his bed. He inhales and pretends her scent is still there, lingering on the sheets. It isn’t. 

He stays there until he hears Danny and Lydia pull up outside of the building. He can’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation.

“You know where she is, don’t you,” Lydia accuses, her voice harsh and demanding. “And don’t you dare lie to me, Danny!”

“I might know,” he admits. Derek snaps up and walks to the window, peering down at them in their car. “But I can’t tell anyone! It wouldn’t be fair.” 

Derek sees Lydia’s face contort in anger. “Danny,” she hisses. “Our friend disappeared and has left a complete mess! We need to fix it and fast.” 

“Why?”

“She’s Scott’s best friend, the alpha’s second, even though she’s human. She’s his right-hand man, er, woman. And she’s Derek’s mate! We need her back,” Lydia mumbles. Derek can hear in her voice that she’s close to tears.

Danny sighs and pats the girl’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lyds. I promised, Jack-”

“You promised Jackson,” she asks, cutting him off. “What does that mean, Danny?” Danny starts to sputter, trying to back peddle out of his slip up but Lydia doesn’t allow it. “She’s with Jackson.”

_She’s in London._

 

* * *

 

“Merry Christmas, Stiles,” Jackson cheers as he hands Stiles a small box wrapped in cute Christmas paper, something he definitely didn’t pick out. 

Stiles giggles and accepts the gift and pointing at something under their fake tree. “That one’s for you.” 

Stiles opens the small box and gasps as she holds up the gold, diamond necklace, gawking at Jackson. 

“It’s a sword, ya know, because you’re so strong. Like a warrior,” he hums with a shy smiles and a blush on his cheeks. 

Stiles leaps from her spot and wraps her long, gangly arms around Jackson. “I love it, Jacks!” She pecks his cheek and turns for him to place it around her neck. “Now open yours,” she demands after the necklace is secured. 

He laughs and opens the slightly larger box, also elegantly wrapped in a cute Christmas wrapping paper. His expression as he pulls the garment from the box is just as priceless as Stiles’ was. 

“H-how did you get this?” 

She just cocks an eyebrow up and kisses his cheek. “A magician never reveals her secrets,” she admits with a slight giggle. 

“Stiles, this is a Fendi python leather jacket. They don’t make many of these.” 

Stiles nods. “I know.” 

“You and James are a dangerous pair,” he snickers. 

“James had nothing to do with it,” she answers back slyly. “I’ve uh, been picking up a few modeling jobs with him and they pay pretty well. I actually bought this for you and I know it doesn’t begin to repay you but I do hope you like it.” 

“I love it.” 

Stiles beams at the confession. “Besides, James and I broke up.”

“What!? When? Why?” Jackson has her in his arms quickly but she just gently pushes him off of her with a slightly chuckle. 

“Relax,” she coos. “We both realized that it just wasn’t working. There are no hard feelings, we’re just on different pages. I can’t keep comparing him to Derek and I know that I won’t stop anytime soon. So we both agreed to be friends and colleagues when he needs. I guess we are ashes and wine.”  

Jackson makes a face as he asks, “Ashes and wine?” 

“Yeah,” she nods with a chuckle. “It’s when a relationship just won’t work out.”

Jackson still looks confused, causing Stiles to laugh harder even though the circumstance isn’t really one that calls for laughter.

“Think about it. Ashes and Wine are the things that are left over when the night is done. When the cigarette has been smoked, there are ashes. And when the wine has been consumed, there is always the little bit that remains in the glass. So it’s kind of like saying that the relationship is over just like those things and we’re only left with the memories.”

“You’re too smart for me. Now come on, we need hot chocolate and a nice walk in the snow,” Jackson informs her. 

She nods with a gigantic, kid like smile that she hasn’t had since her mom died or since Derek kissed her for the first time.

Jackson pulls the jacket on and smiles before grabbing the apartment keys and pulling Stiles out and into the park. There’s a light snow and it’s perfect to stroll in, very Christmas like. They talk about everything and thank each other for the luxurious gifts. He buys her an expensive hot chocolate and they look at other families strolling through together. It makes them miss their families and friends but they say nothing of it. It isn’t until they’re walking back to the house when Stiles feels it. 

It’s a heart wrenching pain that makes her topple over and clench her chest. 

“Stiles,” Jackson panics. “What’s wrong?” 

Stiles can’t breathe, so much pain. She’s can’t describe it, she’s never felt it before. She just wants it to stop. And it does. 

When a smooth, deep voice exhales her name. 

“ _Stiles._ ”

 


	6. He says "Don't think, don't talk!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek arrives in London to hopefully confront Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Moving house and packing has been taking up all of my time!

He can feel it the minute he gets off the plane. It’s a sharp, chest tightening pain that should only occur when a mating bond has been formed and the pair is separated. It’s a stronger version of the pain he’d felt earlier when listening to Lydia and Danny. He chooses to ignore it and instead continues through the airport to exit as quickly as possible.

He stops when he can feel Stiles’ pain. He closes his eyes and winces, hoping that at least Jackson will be with her to relieve her pain. 

“Stiles,” he exhales deeply, acknowledging that he can sense her, that he’s here for her.He hopes that he acknowledgement will help ease her. She’s been gone for months but she’s still pack and the pack bond can help soothe cases such as this.

The instant relief means she’s heard him and now he knows that there will be a surge of panic over what’s happening, so he races as fast as he physically can through the airport and towards the exit. He didn’t pack a real bag because he only plans on staying long enough to get Stiles home, a week max. 

He pulls his phone out and dials Danny’s number, who answers on the last ring before it would normally go to voicemail. 

“What,” he demands, clearly annoyed and most likely interrupted, not that Derek really cares.

“I need Jackson’s address,” he huffs. 

There’s a loud sound on the end of the phone before Danny makes an unusual sound. “Why,” he asks nervously. 

“Because I’m in London,” he sighs, getting bored of the conversation and quite desperate to see his girl. 

“Why the hell are you in London?” 

Derek growls, “Because I’d like to have the love of my life, back in my life, Danny. Give me Jackson’s address… NOW!” 

He gets a few questionable looks from strangers passing by but it doesn’t matter because Danny instantly tells him the address and Derek takes off for the nearest taxi, carefully repeating the words that Danny had told him. 

Derek realistically knows that the drive does not take long, maybe 20, 30 minutes. But with how quickly the bond is snapping back, it feels like it takes a lifetime and then some. Derek hands a wad of money at the driver and gets out of the cab, looking at the tall building in front of him.

“Jackson, I’m _fine_ ,” she whines and finally Derek relaxes his shoulders. 

He turns around and sees a worried Jackson rushing a shaken up Stiles towards them. He can hear her voice, the voice he’s been dying to hear for the last 5 months, he can _smell_ her for the first time in awhile. 

“Stiles,” he breaths when she’s close enough to hear him. 

She stops. She’s feet away from him and she stops, the color drains from her face and Jackson’s eyes flash blue as he moves to hide her from Derek. The movement causes Derek to snap, even though Jackson means nothing by the gesture, he’s challenging Derek for what’s his. 

“Move,” Derek growls, feeling low on patience and desperate to nuzzle against Stiles’ neck. “Now.” He wolfs out before he can control it. 

Jackson smirks and takes a step forward. “Not a chance, buddy. You can’t talk to her. And you’re not the big bad alpha anymore, so there’s really nothing you can do about it, Derek.” 

Derek sighs as he looks over at Stiles, who is clutching her chest tightly, tears streaming down her face. Derek quickly changes back and pushes Jackson lightly out of the way, just hard enough to let Derek reach Stiles. 

He extends his hand to brush a stray piece of hair away from her cheek. She looks different; her hair is longer, she’s wearing make up, but she still looks like Stiles, his Stiles.

“Stiles I-”

“Stop,” she begs. “Whatever you’re going to say, just don’t. I’ve come so far, Derek and I don’t need you to ruin that.” She wipes her tears away from her eyes and gently pats her cheeks dry. “Go home, Derek.” 

Derek shakes his head furiously. “I’m not leaving without you.” 

“Guess you aren’t going to be leaving then,” Stiles snaps before turning to walk away from him.

Derek sighs as Jackson follows her in, glaring at him as he slams the door to the building shut. 

“You had your chance,” he hears her whisper from the other side of the door. “I’ve moved on.”

Derek’s heart snaps at her words. He should have known really. Peter did say that a girl like Stiles doesn’t stick around. He frowns and releases a heavy sigh before turning around and walking towards a decent looking hotel for the night. 

What was he thinking anyways? That he would see Stiles and she would melt at his feet like she would have before? Yes, actually. He was hoping and praying that she would do that so he could whisk her away and take her home. Get her enrolled at Berkley and watch her live the rest of her life by his side. 

“HALE!” 

Derek turns around to see Jackson racing down the street, an angry expression, his usual expression, on his face. 

“You can’t give up like that,” he hisses. “She’s testing you, you fucking idiot! She’s single, broke up with a guy because she couldn’t stop thinking about how much she loves you. And I know that you love her.”

“She told me to leave,” Derek mumbles. “So I’m leaving.” 

Jackson rolls his eyes. “She was right about you,” he huffs. “You need to learn to use your words. And she needs to learn to have patience. That’s what got both of you into this mess!” 

“I can’t force her to take me back,” Derek informs Jackson. “And right now, I don’t think she really wants to see me.” 

“Yeah well she has to, because I guarantee that if you get more than 10 minutes away she’s going to breakdown and collapse on the floor. And while you might be able to handle the pain of being separated, she can’t and she’ll get scared.”

Derek looks towards Jackson’s building, his wolf begging to run to her. Derek says nothing, just takes of sprinting towards the apartment, leaving Jackson down the road. 

The door is already unlocked when he gets there, probably from Jackson leaving. He enters and is hit by the overwhelming smell of brown sugar, vanilla and cedar; Stiles. She’s everywhere in this small space. 

“Jackson?” Her voice is small as it calls out and he hears her start padding down the stairs. “Jacks?” 

Derek hangs his head low as she comes into view. “Sorry,” he mutters. “Not Jackson, just me.” 

“Oh… Derek.” 

He looks up at her slowly and gets lost in her whiskey colored eyes. He could look into those eyes forever, he wants to look in those eyes forever. 

“Merry Christmas,” Derek exhales finally. He offers her a weak smile and fumbles around in his jacket pocket for the box that he had picked up months ago, with the intent on giving it to her at this moment, just in Beacon Hills. “I uh, got you this,” he mutters as he passes her the box. 

She takes it wearily, but at least she takes it. She hopes the small, velvet box slowly and gasps when she sees what is carefully placed inside. 

“Why?”

Derek shrugs. “I saw it one day during the summer in San Francisco and it just reminded me of you. We had just gotten into our first, real argument. You were offering to stay in Beacon Hills instead of going to Berkley like you had always dreamed of and I wouldn’t let you so you assumed that I didn’t want you. I saw the ring and not only does a moonstone promote positive, healing energy but it also has the power to reunite lovers that have quarreled.” 

“And you didn’t give it to me then, why?” Her voice is demanding, laced with anger but the kind that Derek is used to.

Derek sighs, “Because the problem quickly resolved and it would be awkward to hand you a ring out of the blue. So I was going to save it until Christmas. But you-”

“Left,” she interrupts and Derek nods. “Why didn’t you say anything that night?” 

Derek frowns at the question. “Because I was shocked, Stiles,” he admits. “I didn’t think a girl like you would end up falling in love with me.”

“And it was such a bad thing that you couldn’t say anything,” she demands, her voice unusually cold.

“No,” Derek quickly retorts. “That’s not it!”

“Then what?!”

Derek sighs and takes Stiles’ hand in his. “Stiles, I’m not great with words. And you’re not good with patience. That’s just how we are. When someone professes their love, it’s a big deal. I think it’s a big deal. I honestly couldn’t believe that someone like you could love me.”

“Oh,” she whispers. Derek nods. “Derek-”

He doesn’t let her finish what she’s going to say, he just presses his lips against hers as if it means his survival. He has been craving her kiss for months, ever since she left. Braeden wasn’t the same, she could never compare to Stiles, no one would ever be able to. 

“Don't think, don't talk. Just listen. I love you,” he exhales as he pulls away. “Stiles Stilinski, I love you. And I would love for you to come home with me.”

Stiles frowns and takes a step away from him. “I can’t, Derek.” 

“Why,” he asks, his voice not hiding the hurt he is experiencing. “You need to!” 

Her eyes start to well up with tears but she doesn’t let them fall, not in front of him. “Derek, I’m in school here! I have a life!”

“What about your dad, Stiles? Scott? Isaac? _Me_?” 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry just doesn’t cut it, Stiles. Not anymore,” he mutters as he walks out the door, slamming it shut in the process. 

 

* * *

 

“I should have gone with him,” she cries into Jackson’s shoulder. 

It’s been days since Derek appeared and declared that he does in fact love her, that he does want her in his life. And she told him that she wasn’t going home with him. 

“Shh, it’s going to be okay,” Jackson soothes. “You’ll go home when you’re ready.”

Stiles feels her sobs rack through her body but she can’t stop them. She needs Derek, she needs him now and she can’t stand being away from him. 

“It hurts so much more,” she wails as she clutches her chest.“I need him so much!” 

Jackson winces at her pain as he tries to absorb as much as possible. He helps but she still needs Derek, she should have gone with him, prevented all of this. She breaks away from the wolf’s embrace and looks at her phone. No messages. No calls. Nothing. 

“Are you and Derek mates,” Jackson suddenly asks, a worried expression settles on his face. 

Stiles shrugs her shoulders. “Not to my knowledge.” 

“I wonder if it’s to Derek’s knowledge or anyone else in the pack…”

“Why?” 

Jackson sighs and scrolls through his phone to find Danny’s number. “Well apparently if someone in the pack or one half of the mated pair claims they are mated, the bond becomes permanent and when the mates are separated, the pain and separation anxiety is 10 times worse.” 

“Derek would have told me that we were mates.”

“Unless it wasn’t Derek that acknowledged the extent of your relationship,” Jackson points out. “Say it was someone smart, someone that could pick up on minor details… and then she voiced that opinion out loud to another member of the pack.” 

“Lydia,” Stiles whispers. 

Jackson nods. “She would have noticed if you and Derek started to act like a mated pair. And then she would have voiced it to someone else, probably because she thinks of it as a concern.”

“I need to talk to Derek.”

“You need to see Derek.” 

 

* * *

 

“Think he found her,” Isaac wonders out loud to the group sitting in Derek’s loft. 

Peter scoffs, “If he hasn’t then he never will.”

“Would he even tell us,” Scott mutters. “Probably just wants her to himself.” 

Lydia rolls her eyes at the boy. “Of course he does. She’s his mate.” 

“What,” Peter gasps. “Did he say that?” 

Lydia arches one of her finely trimmed brows at the older wolf. “No? It’s just obvious.”

“Is this the first time you’ve said it,” Peter asks frantically. 

Once again, Lydia shakes her head and looks over at Danny. “She mentioned it to me earlier this morning before Derek took off for London.”

“Someone call Derek,” Peter orders. “Now!”

Scott quickly scrambles to reach his phone from the charging dock. He throws it towards Peter who quickly dials his nephew’s number. 

“You’ve reached Derek. I’m busy so leave a message.” 

Peter growls and hangs up. “No answer.”

“Why is this such a problem,” Lydia asks nonchalantly. “Mates are common to wolves, aren’t they?” Peter, Scott and Isaac nod. “So what’s wrong with Derek and Stiles being mates?”

“It’s not the fact that it’s Derek and Stiles,” Peter huffs. “It’s that neither of them have openly informed anyone or themselves of the bond. But clearly you knew.”

Scott frowns and moves closer to Isaac and Alison. “The problem is that a pack member close to the mated pair, at least half of the pair, can create the bond by casually mentioning it,” he adds. “And Danny said you told him. So you informed another pack member of a mating.”

“Unfortunately for Stiles and Derek, if they’re not together at the moment, both of them will be experiencing horrible separation anxiety and chest pains.”

“Is Stiles going to die,” Isaac asks sadly.

Peter shakes his head. “Derek is smart. He’ll get to her in time.” 

“But if not,” Lydia snaps. 

Scott sighs, “It’s possible that the weaker mate will die. And in the case of Stiles and Derek, yes, Stiles will die.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short! Hopefully y'all are still reading. If at any point you have ideas about what could happen next, let me know!


	7. I Was Difficult to Reach, but You Picked Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. I know this chapter is long overdue and I'm really sorry. I kind of lost inspiration and then just got lazy. Truth be told, I haven't even watched Teen Wolf in awhile but I plan on bingeing it some time soon. As always, I hope you like it and I really would love to hear from you!
> 
> Please enjoy. I'm sorry if it's not that great, but I really just wanted to post something.
> 
> xx

“Stiles, we need to go!” 

She narrows her eyes at the blonde male standing in front of her, his hands firmly resting on his hips. 

“I. Am. NOT. Leaving!” 

“Stiles, you don’t even know what the consequences are,” Jackson argues. “Haven’t you researched the worst cases?” 

Stiles nods. “Of course I have! I have researched enough to differ between best and worst case. At the moment, yes, I am in pain and feel like I need to run and see Derek. But I also know, _from research_ , that I am strong enough to make it through this.” 

“You’re being ridiculous,” he mutters as he turns his back and throws his hands in the air. “Don’t die on my couch!” 

Stiles rolls her eyes and releases a sigh. “I’m calling my dad.” 

Jackson peeks around the corner to look at her. “Why would you do that?” 

“Because I miss him and I think talking to him will distract me?” 

Jackson makes a sound of agreement before disappearing again. Stiles shakes her head at the boy and pulls her laptop out and opens Skype. She scrolls through her list of contacts and notices that most of the pack is actually online. She ignores them and goes straight for her dad’s name. She taps the video call button and waits patiently for him to answer. 

“STILES!” 

She smiles and lets out a short laugh as she looks at him frantically looking around. 

“Hi Dad,” she whispers, her smile still on her face. “Hopefully it’s not a bad time?” 

Her dad shakes his head vigorously. “It will never be a bad time! Where are you? Are you okay? 5 months, Stiles! You’ve been gone for 5 months!” 

“I know, Dad. Yes, I’m fine. I’ve been fine. I’m in London, actually. With Jackson,” she answers his questions. “I’m sorry for worrying you and disappearing.” 

“Why’d you do it, Stiles,” he asks, his voice heavy with the pain and worry he’s felt for the past 5 months. 

She shrugs her shoulders. “I needed to get away from it all. Away from the pack. I needed to be able to breathe on my own again.” 

She makes a mental note to laugh about that later because the pain she’s experiencing makes her want to stop breathing all together. 

“Kiddo, you didn’t need to leave without letting us know. You could have waited and gone to college like the rest of them,” he groans, he hand racking through his short, greying hair. 

She smiles, it’s sad, but still a smile. “I know that now. But hey, I’m actually going to school here!” Her dad makes a sound of uncertainty that makes Stiles laugh. “No seriously, it’s awesome! I’m studying this way cool science course at the University of London!” 

“Stiles-”

“No, please just listen! It’s amazing, Dad! I’ve seen so many things, met so many people and I’ve got a job as a model and-” 

“A model?!?” 

Stiles nods her head in excitement. “Who’d have guessed it, right,” she chuckles. “I definitely wouldn’t have!” 

“Stiles, please come home…” 

She frowns at his request. “I can’t. I like it here!”

“Stiles, I saw Derek today.” 

She furrows her brows and looks at her dad’s pained expression. “You saw Derek?” 

“He looks miserable,” her dad adds as he nods his head. “He looks like he’s sick, which is weird because I could have sworn part of being a werewolf was that they don’t get sick.” 

Stiles sighs and looks up at Jackson. “It’s because of me.” 

“What do you mean, kid?” 

“He came to visit the other week and tried to convince me to come home,” she mumbles. “I told him no and he said things, and then I said things, and he left. And now we’re both in deep shit and pretending not to notice.” 

Her dad rolls her eyes and mutters, “Just like your mother.” 

She shrugs her shoulders and continues. “Turns out, we’re mates, and when mates are separated shit goes wrong. But I’m not caving. I’m finishing my first year of uni and then I’ll come home and sort out the mess I made.” 

“Really?” 

She likes how hopeful her dad looks when she says it. “Yeah, of course! I’m not staying here forever, that wasn’t the plan. But I just got so caught up in things that I can’t just leave. I’m not a quitter.” 

“Promise me you’re safe,” he orders. 

She chuckles and gives him a reassuring look. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m fine, Jackson is taking care of me and he’s going to come home when I do!”

“Nice to see you, Sir,” Jackson greets as he sits next to Stiles on the couch. “I promise I would never let anything happen to her.” 

“I trust you,” the Sheriff mutters. “Now I’ve got to go to work but I hope we’ll speak again some time soon?” 

Stiles gives him a thumbs up. “Of course! I’ll call you tomorrow?” 

“Sounds good, Kiddo! Love you!” 

“Love you too, Dad.” 

They say goodbye a few more times before Stiles hangs up and rests her head against Jackson’s shoulder. 

“How’s the pain,” he asks. 

She hums, “It’s actually not that bad right now. Talking to him really helped.” 

“That’s good. Maybe calling Scott or Lydia would help even more?” 

Stiles nods and opts to call Scott first, knowing that Isaac will be with him since they’re both at the same community college and living together. It rings for awhile but eventually Stiles sees a head full of blonde curls messing with the computer. 

“IT’S STILES,” Isaac screams.

Suddenly Scott is rushing into the frame and both boys are looking her with shocked expression and wide grins. 

“Hey boys,” Stiles greets while waving her hands. “How are you?” 

“We’re good,” Isaac answers. “But we-”

“Miss you,” Scott interjects. Isaac glares at him. “Sorry.” 

Stiles rolls her eyes at the boys on her screen, but her smirk never fades. “I know guys, but only another 5 months and then I think I’ll come home!” 

“Is that Stiles,” a familiar voice hopefully asks from the room over. Stiles quirks a brow up before Peter steps into the frame. “It is!” 

“Hey Creeperwolf,” she chuckles. “How’s the lurking going?”

Peter shrugs, “So so.”

“Naturally,” she mutters under her breath. “Why are you with Scott and Isaac?” 

Scott bites his bottom lip and Isaac turns pale. “No one told you,” the head of curls murmurs.

“Derek’s at Deaton’s,” Scott sighs. “We might have miscalculated something.” 

Jackson grips Stiles’ wrist, his form of a calming gesture. It reminds her not to panic and to remain completely at ease. That’s the only way the chest pain doesn’t bother her. 

“Why is Derek at Deaton’s?”

Peter pinches the bridge of his nose and lets his shoulders drop. “I assume you know you’re mates, yes?” Stiles and Jackson both nod. “And that when the pair is separated, problems occur?” Once again the two nod at Peter. “Well we assumed that you were going to be the weaker mate, being a human and all, and that Jackson would be informing us of your death.” 

“Weaker mate,” Stiles questions. “Really?!?” 

Scott flinches and nods along with Isaac. 

“Well, if it makes you feel better, we were wrong,” Peter adds. “Derek is definitely the weaker of the two of you, considering you can hold conversation and appear perfectly healthy. Derek is 2 hops and a skip away from death.” 

Stiles gasps and looks at Jackson. Neither of them knew this could happen, that either Derek or Stiles could get sick and die. Jackson reads Stiles’ mind and gets up to make a phone call. Stiles can hear that it’s to his family’s private jet pilot, who happens to have remained in London while Jackson stays.

Jackson returns and informs the wolves, “We’ll be there in 12 hours. Keep him alive.” 

Stiles tries to say something but Jackson turns the laptop off and places it in a bag. He forces Stiles to get up from the couch and to start packing. 

“Jacks, I can’t…”

Jackson nods in understanding. “I know, Stiles. But being there will help him.”

“What if he actually dies?” 

“He’s not going to die,” Jackson reassures her. “He’s too stubborn for that to happen and you know it.” 

Stiles feels her tears as they start to slide down her cheeks. “It’s my fault.” 

“Bullshit, Stiles. Neither of you really knew so it’s no one’s fault! Now come on, my driver is outside waiting for us.”

Stiles wipes the wetness from her cheeks and follows Jackson down the stairs with her bags. They don’t live far from the airport but everything feels like it’s taking too long. Especially with Derek dying. 

“Wake me up when we land in San Fran,” she mutters as they reach the private hanger where Jackson’s jet is. 

***

“Stiles is coming,” Peter informs him. 

Derek rolls his eyes and winces at the pain he’s in. “Great. She can tell me again how much happier she is in London… with _Jackson_.” 

“Nephew, jealousy does not suit you,” Peter huffs. “I’ve also heard that Braeden is coming back into town.” Derek’s eyes widen. “She seems to be rather concerned about how ill you are. That’s certainly going to make for an awkward reunion, with Stiles coming back and all.” Peter pauses and chuckles. “Never mind, it’s going to be great entertainment!”

“Peter, perhaps we can give Derek a rest,” Alan suggests. 

Peter scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Look, you’re up shit creek without a paddle, Derek. Try and stay alive for the next 12 hours. I’d hate for Stiles’ trip to be a complete waste of time and energy. And I’d really love to see what the outcome with Braeden is.” 

“You ass,” Derek grunts. “You never warned me about this. About developing feelings or a bond. Especially with someone like her.” 

Peter’s expression softens as he gazes at Derek. “Derek, no one can tell you how to be in love. Or how to handle Stiles. Or how to be in love… with Stiles.” 

“It hurts. In case you were wondering,” he grits through his teeth with his eyes squeezed shut.

“Love hurts in general,” Alan mutters.

“It will stop when she gets here,” Peter reassures him. “She should be arriving shortly. So hang in there and don’t die.”

***

“Stiles,” Jackson mutters as he shakes her. “We’re here.”

Stiles’ eyes flutter open and she looks out of the window. “Seems like I only left yesterday.” 

Jackson grabs their things and gets Stiles up. She had grown weaker on the flight over. It was almost like flu symptoms and well, Stiles was never good at being sick. She follows Jackson through the airport and out to where a car is waiting for them. It’s his old Porsche that he drove when he was a complete douche nugget. Stiles chuckles at how they didn’t always get along. 

“We’ll be there soon, Stiles. Hang on,” Jackson whispers as he drives away from the airport. It was a long drive home but Jackson would speed the whole way if it meant Stiles would get better. 

*** 

“She’s here,” Peter hears Isaac exclaim. 

He smiles until he sees her. She can’t stand or walk on her own. She’s wrapped up in several layers to help keep her warm. It makes Peter realise that she’s just about as sick as Derek is. 

“How is she,” he asks. 

Jackson grimaces. “She seemed fine but then on the plane it was like she did a complete 180. She started getting these flu like symptoms, like chills. She slept the whole way and could barely stand on her own. Now she can’t.” 

Peter nods and motions to join him in the back. Alan is monitoring Derek, but he’s slipped in unconsciousness and looks like Stiles. Peter motions for Jackson to lay her next to Derek. 

“What now? 

Peter turns to Isaac. Poor kid. Peter frowns, he actually doesn’t know at this point. 

“We wait,” Alan offers. “It will take awhile for them both to realise that they are near each other again. But they’ll be okay.” 

Isaac looks confused. Truth be told, so is Peter. 

Alan sighs. “Werewolf mates give off special pheromones when they are near each other. These pheromones are what keep the mates healthy and strong, hence why it is dangerous to split mates up. Give it a few minutes. They’ll come to and be fine.” 

Sure enough and to Peter’s surprise, 10 minutes later, both Stiles and Derek regained color and looked much better. He sighed in relief. He’d grown fond of his nephew and his little pack, especially Stiles. 

“Sti-“ Derek tries to gasp. 

“IT’S WORKING!” 

“Isaac,” Alan hisses. “Remain calm and quiet.” 

Isaac mutters and apology and sits back down. 

Derek’s eyes slowly open and he looks over at the sleeping girl beside him. He smiles and brushes a piece of her hair away from her face. He than places his hand over her heart and the black veins that appear show that he is trying to take away some of her pain. 

He takes enough that she wakes up. Peter watches the two stare at each other, obviously unsure of what to say. 

“Okay, let’s give them a minute,” he announces. He ushers the group out of the room and convinces the wolves to move further away so that their conversation would not be overheard. 

*** 

“You came back,” Derek whispers. 

Stiles stares at him and she nods. “I did.” She pauses and gives him a small smile. “I couldn’t just let you die. Not without hearing that you love me, just one more time.” 

He smiles at her and realises that he’s much stronger now that she’s here. He moves from his place and hugs her tightly, holding her against his chest. He breathes her scent in and completely relaxes. There is no other scent in the world that could ever be as perfect as Stiles’. 

“I missed you,” she whispers, even though it was muffled against his chest, he still heard it. 

“And I love you,” he whispers back with a smile. “I have always loved you, Stiles. And I always will.”

“I’m sorry I was so stubborn.” 

He chuckles and pulls away to examine her face. He wipes a stray tear away from her cheek and kisses her softly. 

“I’m sorry that I think I’m made of stone,” he chuckles. “I should of told you. Right away. I shouldn’t have let you run off thinking that I didn’t. And I shouldn’t have acted out when I saw you in London.” 

She shakes her head and says, “It’s okay. I forgive you for everything. Do you… forgive me?” 

He nods at her silly question. “Of course I do, Little Red.” 

She smiles at the old nickname and sighs. “I’ve been an idiot. We could have spent the last 5 months together, being happy. Doing things.” She chuckles but stops suddenly. “But I ruined it, Derek. I’m so sorry.” 

“Shhh. It’s okay,” he tells her. “You’ll just have to make up for the lost time. I guess you’ll just have to stick around this time.” 

She laughs and nods. “I’m never leaving again. Look what happens to you!” 

“Hey,” he mutters as he pokes her gently. “It happens to you too!” 

She winks and kisses him again, more passionately this time. His tongue sweeps across he bottom lip, asking for entrance. She allows him and he tastes every inch of her mouth. His hands start to roam her body. It feels so unfamiliar but he knows it hasn’t changed. He gently cups her breasts and she moans into his mouth. He smirks and moves his hands down her body. She backs away from his before he can go further and gasps for breath. 

“That,” she breathes. “I have missed that so much.” 

Derek smirks and walks over. He hoists her up and she wraps her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. He kisses her quickly. She nuzzles her face into the crook of his neck, scenting him. Oh how he had missed that. He returns the favour, making sure to further claim what is rightfully his. His eyes flash red and he smiles. 

“Mine,” he growls. 

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come stalk me on tumblr: glass-c0ffins


End file.
